Justified

I was up by 6:30 this morning, very odd - considering I slept at around 2 last night. But somehow I knew I had to get up. So I got out my Bible and started reading. And I read today's Streams in the Desert. And it spoke about heaven , and how our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed when we see Christ face to face. (Romans8:18).(exactly what Ruth and I spoke about yesterday) And the passage came with this really cool story of a blind man. This wealthy young man of high social standing had been blinded by an accident at the age of ten. In spite of his blindness, he had graduated from the university with honors and had now won the heart of his beautiful bride, although he had never looked upon her face. Shortly before his marriage he underwent a new round of treatments by his specialists, and the result was ready to be revealed on the day of his wedding.
The big day arrived, with all the guests and their presents. The groom, dressed for the wedding but with his eyes still covered by bandages, rode to the church with his father. His famous ophthalmologist met then in the vestry of the church.
The bride entered the church on the arm of her white-haired father. She was so moved, she could hardly speak. Would the man she loved finally see her face - a face other admired but he know only through the touch of his delicate fingertips?
As she neared the altar, while the soft strains of the wedding march floated through the church, she saw an unusual group. There before her stood the groom, his father, and the doctor. The doctor was in the process of cutting away the last bandage.
Once the bandage was removed, the groom took a step forward, yet with the trembling uncertainty of someone who is not completely awake. A beam of rose-colored light from a pane in the window above the altar fell across his face, but he did not seem to see it.
Could he see anything? Yes! Recovering in an instant his steadiness and demeanor, and with a dignity and joy never before seen on his face, he stepped forward to meet his bride. They looked into each other's eyes, and it seems as if his gaze would never wander from her face.
"At last!" she said. "At last," he echoed solemnly, bowing his head. It was a scene with great dramatic power as well as one of great joy. Yas as beautiful as this story is, it is but a mere suggestion of what willa ctually take place in heaven when Christians, who have been walking through this world of trial and sorrow see Him face to face.

And then I started reading Romans... And suddenly it dawned on me that all our sins have been justified.
Because God is a JUST God, sin did require punishment. He couldn't just say "never mind I'll let you off the hook" with mere words - So Jesus paid for it ALL. He paid for it. He died to provide justification for all our sins!! So that's why when we do fall... We know that as we have faith in his blood, we are JUSTIFIED! Everything has been paid for. We don't to have to 'do time' anymore for whatever bad choices we make in our lives. I feel so utterly liberated and freed. forever and ever. And with knowing this grace, I will live differently.

I'm sorry friend,
for how I put you in prison in my mind. For thinking that you had to do time-
When we both have been justified and have been freed from the punishment of sin.
I am sorry.

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice. . . he . . . justifies those who have faith in Jesus" Romans 3:23-26

"Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him" (4:8)

I'm so glad
I woke up early.

Eternity and Heaven

Today started out really horribly, with me being extremely emotional and affected by things...
But the day got better and better and its ending nicely now. Always choose wine over vinegar always choose wine over vinegar. In my thoughts, in my decisions, in my actions. To keep hoping and having the constant joy knowing God is taking care of everything.
Ruth and I watched Confessions of a Shopaholic today at Cathay! hahaha. I actually enjoyed it a lot cuz it was completely brainless and clean. The movie wasn't like the book though. I thought Suze (Becky's best friend) was really pretty. And Becky's taste in clothes were hideous.
Anyway!!
Bought Regina Spektor's album and Ella Fitzgerald's album after the movie at Gramophone. And the original Sound of Music DVD. I love that movie. These are all gonna be temporary sustenance for me in Japan. CDs and DVDs in Japan are ridiculously expensive man... So I'm buying what I can here.
And then Ruth and I (didn't have coffee) sat at Starbucks, she had hot chocolate and I had a chai tea latte. We talked about who we wanted to have coffee with in heaven (for her, tea). C.S. Lewis. GK Chesterton. I blurted out Ghandi... but I don't know if he's there. What a morbid thought. I hope he's there. Wilberforce... etc. But we said that most of all, we look forward to seeing The Perfect God face to face. To sit on his lap. To ask if I could paint the sunset with him... It's amazing that that day will actually come.
And I told Ruth I didn't know how to say goodbye when I go to Japan. And I didn't wanna make it all like its really a goodbye sob sob situation... So we talked about how actually these things don't matter in a bigger scale of things cuz we have eternity to spend together. All these things made me so happy.
So tonight I can go to bed without a heavy heart.

3 days left

3 days left in Singapore.
spent the whole of yesterday packing my stuff into boxes. and transferring my closet into a suitcase. and went to holland v to fix my black moccasins and develop pictures from my holga. but apparently i inserted the film wrongly and i was taking pictures but the film wasn't winding! it kept exposing the same spot on the roll of film. bummer man... i was looking forward to seeing the pictures i took :(

A B C

today has been an extremely extremely productive day !!! yaaay.
woke up slightly earlier than usual (still considered sleeping in for many, but for me its early) - 10:30am. made a nice big greasy breakfast for my mom and myself... with hot cups of tea for the both of us. sat at the table by my window and had a nice chat/meal. jeremy came over in the midst of our tea drinking, and then i got ready and we went out to accomplish the to-do-list of the day. stuff to i had to get done before leaving singapore...

1. bought boxes from the post office so i can ship some of my stuff over.
2. mailed some letters
3. went to uncle herbert's clinic for an MMR jab and had a nice chat about travelling, languages, changing the WORLD....
4. got a call from my mom to go to the dentist to get retainers for my teeth-grinding. so i went and got my teeth mold made... bleaugh it was like play dough in my mouth.

and then spent the rest of the day with jeremy. we had bak kut teh near robertson quay. YUM. i love bak kut teh. and we also had pig intestines and kidney. and salted veggie. good stuff.
then i finally got to go to Books Actually. i loved it. not the prices. but the books and old cameras and typewriters. i bought myself some postcards and a book. the Story of Art by E.H. Gombrich. it speaks about the subject of art from the "earliest cave paintings to the experimental art of today" with "directness and simplicity in writing" and aims to "bring some intelligible order into the wealth of names, periods and styles which crowd the pages of more ambitious works" etc. etc. i'm excited to read it :) input input. then i can output.
then we visited jeremy's mom at the hospital. she has a fibroid in her stomach so she had to go through a small surgery to get it to shrink. (its not cancerous or anything though thank God.) brought her some of my old VOGUEliving magazines to read so she won't be bored in the hospital room...
today, my mom told me that the apartment i'm renting doesn't allow instruments. what sia.
but the agent was nice enough to say that when we get there we'll test out the thinness of the wall. see if i can play softly and not be heard. i hope it'll work out okay. if not i'll have to look for another place to stay...
anyways, got lots to do tomorrow too, so i'm off to bed !
its been a loooong day. today was a perfect day. everything went perfectly.

we were sitting, we were talking in a strawberry swing
every moment was so precious
wouldn't wanna change a thing

one more week

today, the jeffrey's, the png's and i went to the French Stall for dinner. lovely fooood. and ambience. and company. i had lamb. happy birthday to uncle eugene who paid for our meal, thank you :)

anyway,
let this week be a goood one...
i really gotta start packing... and transfer all Talking Textiles files to CDs and pass to debs. transition transition. gotta settle so many things. and transfer all unwanted files from my computer to my external harddrive because i have less then 2 gigs of space left on my hard disk which is slowing down my computer a lot.

futsol was fun today.

anyway, off i go to bed.

this week

one more week in singapore! ONE MORE WEEK.
can't believe it. one more week...
how am I going to spend this week? If I could go without sleeping and spend every hour with my friends I would. maybe I'll try... with naps in between...

i'm cleaning my room now so i can start packing. i tried doing it the other way round, but realised i can't pack in this clutter. funny how i used to be such a neat freak but my room's always in a mess now. clothes on my couch and shoes all over my floor. books and files piled in front of my bookshelf...
gonna bring my spring and summer clothes first. i'm looking forward to the cherry blossoms and cool weather. and friends visiting and me bringing them around. and of course meeting new people. and then studying what i love. oh i'm also looking forward to the view from my balcony. my apartment is on a hill and it overlooks the area i'm gonna be living. hope i get a good view of the sunrise...

the Cinematic Orchestra

The pianist was amazing in this song.
(I recorded the video from inside my bag so its pitch black. sorry ! just enjoy the music.)

good music, good seats, good company, good food.

hope

This post is dedicated to Rach. Where there's tea there's hope.
And when we have hope, we have everything.
H O P E -

-

Just got back from Provence bakery. First I had coffee with Rach, talked, then after she left, Kiyoko came to meet me. And we talked some more. I love this bakery. It has changed my life. and I've enjoyed every conversation that's taken place at this bakery. Along with the coffee they serve. It's machine coffee but still delicious.

Tonight is the Cinematic Orchestra's concert at the Esplanade ! I'm excited. It is thanks to them that I've had a good reason to stay in Singapore longer. And the extra time spent here has been excellent. Can't even describe how awesome its been just spending my time being with people I love and knowing that I have a big family (not just my biological family) here whom I love and who loves me and will be there for me even though I'd be miles away from home soon.
Last night Jeremy and I spent a long time at Raymond's workshop listening to music, talking, and playing the guitar etc. (listening to some of the new songs he wrote - good stuff). I realised how these people have become family to me, and before going to the workshop, I was at Deb's studio (helping out as a friend, not as her PA anymore haha) and Raymond Jeffrey, Karyn, Ruth and Nicole were there helping too. And I felt so much LOOOOOVE. We are all family. Church of Joy is a big family. So last night, I really enjoyed talking to Jeremy and Raymond. They are like brothers to me. And we were being so transparent and it was okay cuz we knew no one would judge the other. And I guess its normal that friends are this way and all, but I guess right now I'm just putting it into words and just taking the time to appreciate it all. I am blessed.

cold cravings

coldplay's viva album is brilliant.
the CD isn't predictable. i've listened to it many times and its still unpredictable.
so much variation in their tunes and arrangement. i love it.

anyways, i'm craving something cooold like gelato or ice coffee or a smoothie right now. its such a hot day.

trees

just got back from tanning downstairs ! the sun was out in full force. love it. i'm on holiday, i'm on holidaaaay. work at talking textiles ended first week of march and i've been living a nocturnal life thanks to jeremy. but its nice cuz he has his lincense now i don' t have to worry about catching the last bus ! and then i've been getting up 1-2pm almost everyday.
so i got to read a few more pages of Bruno Munari's book Design as Art. i'm reading it very slowly. this book is like tapas. each chapter is meant to be enjoyed slowly. and each chapter is short. but so thought-provoking. i'd read a page, put my book down and think...
here's a paragraph speaking of .. beauty found in formal coherence (as we see it in nature)

"A leaf has the form it has because it belongs to a certain tree and fulfils a certain function; its structure is determined by the veins which carry the sap, and the skeleton that supports it might have been worked out by mathematics... But if we saw a fig-leaf on a weeping-willow we would have the feeling that all was not well. It would lack coherence. A leaf is beautiful not because it is stylish but because it is natrual, created in its exact form by its exact function. A designer tries to make an object as naturally as a tree puts forth a leaf. He does not smother his object with his own personal taste but tries to be objective. He helps the object."

there was once i wondered why God didn't make plain boxes that released oxygen but instead, made trees. and not just one kind of tree, but millions of different kinds. God cares about aesthetics.

speaking of trees,
i dream of having a home where there'd be holes in my floor with trees growing out of it. and holes in the ceiling so it'd grow to the second floor and through the roof maybe. or if its a small tree it'd grow from the hole in the floor and stay on the first floor. the house would be built in a country with 4 seasons so i'd have trees for different seasons producing different things. mango trees, peach trees, lemon trees... and i'd pick fresh fruits from inside my house.
i told rach about this and she said its possible. it can be done ! she's in 2nd year of archi, so i believe her. i could apply this concept if i ever own a cafe/restaurant one day. people would order smoothies or something with fruit and i'd pick it straight from one of my trees...

i have a hard time grasping reality sometimes. my mind moves slower than the clock. and all that's happened in the past few months feels like a dream. my trip to japan, things that happened before and after that trip.

and right now, i'm trying to figure out what my heart wants without my mind's filter...

freedom

everyone's been given freedom. 100% freedom.
and its about what you want to do with it. you can mess it all up or use it for good.
lots of people think Christianity and the Bible is a whole load of religious rituals and a long list of rules to follow,
but actually its a book that tells us what to do with our freedom.
and we have the freedom to follow it or not.

it's because we are fallen, that we need this book. we don't know what is best for us anymore. only the Creator truly knows. and he wrote it because he actually wants us to be at our best, to receive the best. best in the true sense of the word.
still, we find it so hard.
when will our rebellion end...


each round that your watch makes can either represent regret or triumph.
dear friend,
the way you spent some of your rounds have hurt me and its gonna take me many rounds (hopefully not too many, with the help of our Father) to overcome.
freedom is scary when you don't know what to do with it. its scary. cuz when the consequences come, it might be more than you can bear.
Lord give us wisdom for every move the minute hand makes...

-

the time setting on my blog is messed up by the way..

slow

so last night, i got to catch up with jeremy after his short trip from thailand. and i was telling him about what's on my mind and sharing with him what rach and i have been talking about.
and his answers were thought provoking yet i had a hard time responding. and i could not put a finger on why conversations with him and conversations with rach were so different. til i realised that for jeremy, he skipped the in-between portions and went to conclusions too soon. so i told him that you gotta enjoy the coffee and not gulp it down !! when our conversation is still at a place where our coffee's half full (figuratively speaking), he gulps it down and it just ends there. on the other hand, rach is a slow coffee drinker. very slow.

anyway, futsol yesterday was really fun. even though i got myself another bruise on my left leg. we played for 2 hrs this time cuz the indonesians were visiting :) i love playing for 2 hrs instead of 1 cuz i take a long time warming up. so its only by the 2nd hr that i've gotten the hang of the game and am really enjoying myself. but most occassions it ends before i've gotten the hang of it.

hmm so i see a common theme in my post now (it was unintentional though).
we should take things slow.

-

i will be flying off 30th march, monday morning at 6 to tokyo. and will be back on the 10th of august. 4 months of independence and freedom.

idiots in aesthetics

to continue from the previous post:
with the industrial revolution and with so much progress in technology, people are finding it harder and harder figuring out where to place art in their society. art is fitting in less and less, as technology invades into our everyday life.
before the existence of emails, people wrote letters. each letter had personality because people could choose the kind of materials they used, and everybody wrote with a different handwriting. until emails came about. handwritings turned into fonts and materials turned into email accounts. communication became something more sterile, less 'raw' and less individualistic. a form of self-expression was kicked out of the picture. (well not completely cuz you still have a choice but still)

"Why have we become like gods as technologists and like devils as moral beings, supermen in science and idiots in aesthetics - idiots above all in the Greek sense of absolutely isolated individuals, incapable of communicating among themselves or understanding one another?" (Lewis Mumford)

have we all become idiots in aesthetics?

but now we see artists and designers who have the knowledge of both worlds trying to combine the two. DSLR's (digital SLR's). my friend who designed a pen that can send messages to phones (the combination of handwriting and technology).
and there are some who are completely into all things vintage - technology dinosaurs. i think in order to keep art functional and alive, we got to find some sort of balance.

coffee

today i had a highly stimulating conversation with rach over coffee. always over a cup of coffee. for her, it was an ice latte, and for myself, i always get the normal $2.50 coffee at provence bakery (UCC coffee - good stuff).
she was telling me about her driving instructor (as an example of one person she knows who knows how to keep it completely real/raw) and how the other day during driving lesson, she (the driving instructor) farted really loudly in the car and didn't even laugh.
if i were the driving instructor, i'd be so embarassed, i'd have to at least laugh it off or something. its funny how there are so many invisible rules when it comes to associating with people. so the less rules you know, the less you judge others, and the less you care about others judging you. its probably quite a nice place to be in.
anyway, that actually wasn't the stimulating part of our conversation.
but we realised that every cup of coffee can be a start of something big.
one of the questions that stood out to us was, what movement are we a part of now? and will we be part of a 'next movement.' there was the modern era that came and went before our time, and then the post-modern. which we are kinda in right now... but what's next. (in the context of design and art.) the industrial revolution brought about mass production which brought a huge change to art/design's identity, or purpose. mass production brought about a huge complacency upon mankind i believe, which has affected the existence of art quite significantly... here's a paragraph taken from a book we're reading right now (Design as Art by Bruno Munari)

"When we give a place of honor in the drawing-room to an ancient Etruscan vase which we consider beautiful, well proportioned and made with precision and economy, we must also remember that the vase once had an extremely common use. Most probably it was used for cooking-oil. It was made by a designer of those times, when art and life went hand-in-hand and there was no such thing as a work of art to look at and just any old thing to use."

but now we have plastic bottles (with no sense of aesthetics) to store oil. it has its function, and it probably did require some creativity to come up with the use of plastic in this way and shape. but its quite evident that we see less and less 'beauty' and 'aesthetics' in non-exclusive, public places now.
the thing is, although art and design, and even the definition of beauty, seems to be ever-changing, there is definitely a constant, a standard that exists for all 3.
what is it?
what is art?
what is beauty?

the sky is always changing, never the same -
but will always remain a sky.